I’m just a wife and mom who was thrown into the Law Enforcement world with very little guidance. My husband and I met in college during an English course we both had to take for our education degrees. I wanted to be a High School teacher and my husband wanted to be an Elementary teacher. We finished our schooling together, graduated together, and then, while dating, went our separate ways to try and find jobs. I found several jobs after graduation, and he went on to start a Master’s degree. I had some tough jobs, but I enjoyed what I was doing. He moved out of state and did not enjoy what he was doing. I found a steady job back in Michigan, we moved in together, and he found some jobs within the school system. However, we graduated at the wrong time. There were few job openings and a lot of educators looking for jobs. That’s when he decided he wanted to go to recruit school. We went in blind. He did his research, and I supported him in his choices.
He went to recruit school; I went to work.
And, we saw each other for approximately 36 hours every weekend for 21 weeks. We thought that was going to be a hard 21 weeks, but it went by rather quickly (for me, anyway. He was in hell). Then, we moved on to the FTO phase which seemed harder than recruit school. With shift switches and overtime, our schedules seemed to become hectic and we didn’t know who was coming and who was going. I started to feel like I was trying to work around his schedule and I wasn’t enjoying my time.
Sharing a house, but not a life.
I’ve coached volleyball since I started teaching, but I decided to take up coaching track as well. We had finally hit a point where we were living two separate lives. Having time together was almost awkward because he had his schedule and priorities and I had my schedule and my priorities. We don’t have any close friends with similar schedules to ours, so it’s hard to make plans with other couples. We were spending a lot of time sitting in the same room, but we weren’t getting quality time. This was when I began to scour the internet for other people in my situation. I found a few blogs here or there, but nothing I could really relate to. So, I just kept on trucking along. I started wondering if things would ever even out. I know every relationship goes through it’s ups and downs, but ours felt like it was all over the place. Adding another coaching season to my schedule just made things worse, so I decided not to stick with it the following year. However, things started to be on an upswing, and we decided to buy a house, settle down, and start our family.
Adding kids into the mix.
In 2016, we had our first son, D. Our schedules became even more hectic than they had ever been. He was working full time and pulling overtime to help with expenses. I was working full time and feeling like a single parent with how little we saw each other. I became unhappy at work. I felt like I was letting my family and my students down. I would go to work and resent the fact that I could be spending time with my son when my students would act out and I didn’t feel as though they were appreciative of my time. I would go home and resent the fact that my husband worked so often when he could be home spending time with the family. We were literally passing our son off on our way out the door in the morning and in the evening. So, I scoured the internet for help again. And again, to no avail.
We made the decision at the end of the school year that I would be able to teach part time. I still wanted to coach because it’s a passion of mine. I love coaching more than I love teaching. So, my boss was gracious enough to let me teach the second half of the school day so that I didn’t have to make more than one trip in for school and practices. This seemed to help us out a little bit. I got to see my husband a little more often than I had, and we started to come back into an upswing. In 2018, we decided to try and expand our family. D was turning 2, and we thought it’d be a great time to have another. So, we were lucky enough to become a family of four. And that’s where this part of our journey begins. We have been together thirteen years. Of those thirteen years, we have been married for seven, we have been parents for almost three, and we have been in the law enforcement world for five.
And, here we are…
After five years of ups and downs, supporting my husband in his profession, and having two littles, I have finally decided to stop scouring the internet for help. Instead, I have decided to (hopefully) help others. My husband and I are at an age where we’re not ‘young’ in the law enforcement profession, but we’re certainly nowhere near retirement age either. The ‘kids’ coming out of recruit school seem like babies to us, but we’re not seasoned professionals. Many of my husband’s coworkers are divorced, are not married, or are having marital issues. Unfortunately, that seems to come with the territory. However, we would like to stay out of that statistic. We’re still learning as we go. But, I wish I would have had some help along the way. So, if I can help someone who is struggling, I’m going to do it. I don’t even think this pertains to just spouses of law enforcement. I think every spouse and/or parent could use some help. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even have many answers. But, I have real life experiences and some pretty funny stories to tell. And, this is where ‘I Need Arrest’ comes in to play. With my brother’s undeniable ability to come up with better blog names than I could and my intense desire for some relaxation (or just one nap this week), I provide you with this blog.